40 Unwritten Rules to Live By 4.When one of the big bosses at work unexpectedly
says something really cheery and friendly to you, he means absolutely nothing by
it.Not even if he's your father. 5.Wear as much black as you can.It makes you
look slimmer and cooler.But avoid black jeans. 6.When someone in your family is
going through a divorce, always side with the blood relative. 7.Pointedly
praising something unusual a person owns or has done will make you appear far
smarter in his eyes than a 10minute discourse on world events. 8.Yes, speak
softly and carry a big stick.But don't mumble.And don't swing the stick. 9.The
man who can't dance, can't converse, and can't provide psychological support to
a woman is only half a man;The other half can't cook, can't clean, and badly
wants a drink. 10.Do not get a visible tattoo larger than your penis. 11.Be
aware that most people are operating on a very condensed version of the 10
commandments:The part about murder. 12.There will be times when good neighbors
are more important than a good neighborhood. 13.Telling a woman,"You're a great
person,"Is taken as the leadin to a confession that you don't love her.
14.Trying to"Teach this you
may like someone a lesson"Never works. 16.Be careful about publicly
discussing your hobbies, as most hobbies strike people as somewhat pathetic:Most
notably, collecting stamps, coins, or anything else, birdwatching, bowling,
rockhounding, spelunking, table tennis, poetry, dog shows, chat rooms, polka
music, yoga, herpetology, marathon running, and religion.The only hobbies you
can safely own up to when among people you need to impress are flyfishing and
golf. 17.Never buy anyone a gift at a kiosk. 18.Never wear clothing that your
coworkers avoidthe bow tie, the suspenders, the green suit.While you might think
you're expressing your individuality, your colleagues will perceive it as a
rejection of their group culture;You'll become a person who probably can't be
trusted. 19.Do not bring lunch to work. 20.Rainbows are god's way of reminding
us that beauty is an optical illusion, except in sports cars. 21.You will never
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become a rock star. 22.As you go deals
on Flower Girl Dresses through life, you will discover that more and
more of the subjects you studied in college are useless, with the exception of
abnormal psychology. 23.Never make any sort of generalization concerning gender,
even if it's so true god himself would back you up. 24.Telling a homepage person in
management,"I'm a bit of a philosopher,"Means you're a total loser. 25.When
running in the park on a hot day, do not take off your shirt if you are a really
hairy sonofabitch. 26.Never hesitate to admit the error of your ways, when under
oath in federal court. 27.Always wear freshly laundered or pressed clothing to
work.Even one wrinkle will have certain coworkers creatingand perhaps
sharingscenarios of debauchery or financial distress. 28.Do not say hi to a
perfect stranger in any town with a population over 2, 000.The friendly gesture
in beaver dam falls is a scary act of aggression in boston. 29.Always imply, in
every possible way, that the person you're talking to is smarter, betterlooking,
slimmer, and more successful than they really are. 30.When choosing a bottle of
wine to bring to a dinner party, spend between 10 and 15 dollars.That's for a
bottle, not a gallon.
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